Week 20

Oh man this week has been a growing week for sure. Making it to 20 weeks has been a dream for me. Half way mark. Half way to meeting my girl. My heart beams with joy knowing that she is doing good and cooking in there.

Ya know, I don’t talk about my losses anymore which makes sense because I am fortunate enough to have a healthy and great pregnancy right now, but this week has given me some time to reflect on them. Growth is scary, well can be. For me it meant putting my fear aside and letting her do her thing everyday and not getting worked up and stressing her out in the womb. It’s been not carrying the negative that I experienced and rather embracing her with everything I have. I am glad I went through what I did, because for me it felt like I needed to. I appreciate this pregnancy, I love my belly every day, and most importantly it gets me through days where I feel like it’s a little dark and I just need some support.  Yesterday I felt more anxious than normal, I felt myself constantly laying down waiting for her to kick, or wanting to be home so I could check her heart. Granted I wasn’t feeling great, we went all day long, but it was haunting me way more than normal. I got through the day and she’s doing great, but I guess I journaled this for me but also for anyone who is feeling nervous or anxious with their pregnancy.

Overall this week was nuts. I worked all day Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday which is way more then I recently have done. Thursday I got to go to lunch with my dad which was so fun to have a mid afternoon surprise. Oh how I love him! 💕 I got my brows waxed and cleaned up, went and saw Beauty and the Beast, and she kicked the whole time. I wonder if the sound was loud for her??? Friday we had a wedding reception here in Salt Lake and it was so fun to see friends and hang out and enjoy the weekend with the husband. Saturday we had such a busy day, with breakfast, visiting a friend and their new baby, registering for baby girl at Target, and then two birthday parties for friends, by the time we walked in the door I was exhausted, body was so tight and frustrated and I just felt like I was going to collapse. (Hormones!!!!) waking up today and realizing we made it another week of course woke me with a smile.

I constantly am waiting for the next milestone. I say it will be fine after we hit 24 weeks and she could outside the womb, but lets be honest, I am sure I will be waiting for that weekly mark every week. It’s given me hope that we are almost there. I have to say I’m so grateful for the knowledge I have of heaven and of my eternal family, for it gives me peace when I feel worried or concerned.

I know I went a little different of a way this week with this blog post, but I wanted it to act as a journal for me to remember the days I felt nervous or weak, and also the days I felt so amazing. I truly love love pregnancy, I love growing her. I feel so honored to get this experience with her and will never take it for granted. I love you little lady and I can’t wait to meet you. 19 short weeks to go!

baby size: banana 🍌🍌🍌

weight gain: lost weight again 😳 115 lbs

belly size : 32 inches

Sleep: it was okay. I am tossing pretty much all night and my belly is getting uncomfortable but we are rolling with it.

Cravings:  lemonade, veggies, fruits, crazy bread , caramel apple suckers

feeling : so grateful and hopeful. I can’t express how much I love her. Bought her her first stuffed animals this weekend and I cried, my hormones are getting crazy.

Gender: 💕🎀🌸💕🎀🌸 baby girl!

Peak moment: realizing we have made it this far. I felt so overwhelmed and happy. I often feel my rib aching at night and as much as I am frustrated I also am so happy that I have her growing inside though! She will truly be a gem. I love her so much and can’t wait to be her mom.